PRESSURE | IT CAN CARRY ME.

Pressure. 

It’s familiar. Adult burdens forced on my 12-year-old shoulders. The formative years of my life were formed in high pressure. “It’s on me.” I am always harder on myself than anyone else. 

There was only one way, step up. Things crumbled if I didn’t. “I am built for this.” I am too competitive to allow things to collapse. I embrace the pressure until it becomes a part of me. Pressure and I are one. The pressure pushes me towards becoming. The resistance weighing me down strengthens my competitive will. “Pressure can’t beat me.” 

Allowing pressure to stop me from my goal is losing. I hate losing. No matter if it's for the right now, today, or tomorrow. Pressure doesn’t dictate my accomplishment.  

Kobe dunked on Omeka Okafor after severely spraining his ankle the game before. Kobe made two free throws on a torn achilles (and walked off on his own strength). Kobe dropped 60 in his last game after being challenged to score 50. 

“If Kobe can do it, so can I…but why would I limit my competitive nature to Kobe. I am trying to beat him too!”

Losing is unacceptable. I tore my ACL and walked on my own strength the whole day. “If Kobe can make two free throws on a torn achilles, I can walk all day on a torn ACL.” 

Constant pressure working against me. Consistent force pressing on me. Demand is placed above feelings. Nothing matters except the goal. 

I get it done or I don’t. It’s black or white. No gray. Gray is where weakness lives. 

The previous environment required this pressure. The current surroundings do not. 

How do I adjust when this is the only way I know? I change my perspective. 

I am present and realize I've seen this upside down. Pressure presses me up. Not down. Grace is in the gray, not weakness. Pressure helps me win. Not lose. It helped me rise.

Pressure comes with the grace to withstand it and with pressure comes prevail. 

I don’t have to carry the pressure. It can carry me.